I Choose You, Maxizard!
by Shir0
Summary: Valentine's Day Crackfic. Fax. Partial AU. Finally willing up the courage to confess, Fang tells Max his true feelings on the day when lovers finally get together. But what happens when he mixes things up and shoves Max into a whole new world? Literally!


**Note: **I don't remember when the quote "I choose you, Max" comes in during_ MAX._ I'm just putting it in a random starry night in the forest. *Shrugs.* Technically, Fang/Angel did happen for this fic because this has Dylan and Maya in it. Then again, it's AU.  
>Whenever I read that line in the book, I always, always, always expect Max to burst out laughing…or bust out a Pokéball. Whichever seems funnier.<br>**Warning:** Fax on crack. References to many things. Partial AU. _SUPER stupid._

**Disclaimer: **James Patterson is the owner of _Maximum Ride,_ characters, settings and plots, even if he/his ghostwriter doesn't write the story as well as he could. All references made to other video games, books or anime belong to their rightful owners.  
><strong>Claimer: <strong>I own the plot of this one-shot, but the idea was incepted into me by an anonymous – oh wait. The PenName's down there. *Points at the words in parentheses.* I lied.

**I Choose You, Maxizard!**

**Valentine's Day one-shot **_(with special thanks to__** wolfhead**__)_

(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)

Max stared up at the brilliant starry night, head resting against the bark behind her head. Her arms rested against the tree, her head gently pressed against it. She sighed to herself, trying to blink away the dirty thoughts she repeatedly had about Fang. Max had always thought of him in that special "best friends become lovers" (or however Iggy described it) way, but with the way her hormones were acting up, she suddenly began thinking of him a new_er_ way.

His shirt off… Maybe only in a towel… Asleep on her bed only in boxers… Naked, even. (_Especially naked, _she hummed in her head.)

There was only one problem. (Other than the fact that Fang was probably at his age where he got sudden hard-ons.)

_What the hell is with Fang and red-heads? _Max wondered to herself, remembering that damn scientist Brigid or whatever her name was. Anger boiled in her blood as she called up the memory of him making out with that _bimbo_ Lissa. She shook her head violently, willing the thoughts away.

Seconds later, Max's "Voice" called, _Why don't you just dye your hair red? Or maybe you should dye it orange! Orange would totally fit you._

She put her arms down and threw her head back into the tree as hard as she could. _I'm staying blonde, Voice. Now why don't you go on _American Idol_ and sing the Pokémon theme song, huh?_

_Wouldn't it be more ironic if I sang on "The Voice"?_it asked. _Oh man, I am so funny. _

"Shut up," Max muttered under her breath, closing her eyes as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

The Voice ignored her. _As your inner Voice, I could sing _"The Voice Within"_ by Christina Aguilera on The Voice! It would be Voice-ception! _

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Max shouted, slamming her head back into the tree again, hoping it cracked open and shoved that damned voice right out of her head.

_I wanna be the very best that no one ever was… Dun, dun, dun-dun! Wait, I said I would sing _"The Voice Within." _Oh well._ Obviously, slamming her head into a tree wasn't enough.

"Shut up, you damn voice!"

"Max?"

"WAAAAAHHHHH!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, jolting up in surprise. In front of her stood her sort-of brother and crush, Mr. Fanganator. "F-Fag!" Her heart was racing, but she wasn't sure whether it was because Fang was in a hot, tight power-tee or that she was caught off guard. It was probably both.

Fang raised an eyebrow. "Don't you mean 'Fang'?" he muttered, crossing his arms in annoyance. His thin arms had grown considerably since Max had seen them and the way that Fang was holding them emphasized how large they had gotten. His black hair had started to grow longer, but it was still set in an emo style. Fang's onyx eyes stared into Max's with concern, but it was mainly amusement.

"No!" she replied in a yell after she was done staring. "I said, _'FAG' _and I meant it!"

He rolled his eyes and adjusted his sight to the darkness to examine her more thoroughly. Her blonde hair was messy and her bangs were strewn all over the place. Her hazel eyes bore into his in wonder. She had on a denim jacket over a white t-shirt that gave a nice view of her cleavage. Finally, his eyes traveled lower to her legs and he wondered how she would look without her pants on. "Hmm… Okay," he ended up saying, still mesmerized by how her legs seemed to go on and on and on and on…

"Fang?" she called out, wondering why Fang hadn't said a sarcastic comment. Maybe he was having a sudden hard-on right now! Max shivered involuntarily. That would be awkward.

_No, it wouldn't,_Voice cut in. _You'd like that._ She ignored it blissfully.

"Mm?" He looked up to meet her questioning eyes. "Oh, right. It's Valentine's…Day… Night… Uh, right?" Fang frowned and looked up at the stars for a second. "Maybe it's tomorrow," he mumbled under his breath.

Max nodded, unsure whether it really was or not. Dr. M hadn't said anything to that effect. "Sure, I'll go with that." She shrugged, not fully aware of his implications.

He chuckled and shoved her against the tree, his arms pinning her down. "Well, I want you to be mine," he whispered softly in a husky voice.

Max blinked rapidly, her heart in her throat. "F-Fang?" she murmured hesitantly, staring into his obsidian eyes. _He's crazy,_ Max decided, _and bipolar. _

But he was _so freaking _sexy.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Max," he said softly, pressing his lips gently against hers.

Max felt his mouth against her and began to kiss back hard, forcing him closer to her. His arms relaxed and he grasped her shoulder with both of his hands. His eyes closed as soon as hers did and the kiss intensified. Max's hands wound their way into his dirty black hair, her fingers lightly tugging. His tongue prodded against her lips, and she gladly opened it for him. He forced his tongue in as far as it could go and they started to make out more passionately.

Fang grinned against her mouth, feeling a wondrous feeling begin to bubble inside him, filling him with joy and happiness. His fingers ran up and down her hips, caressing her gently, yet firmly with strong, loving hands. He wanted to feel this way as long as he could, simply reveling himself in the miracle that was… _Max._ She was perfect to him in every way, no matter what she thought.

Max, on the other hand, noticed her hormones beginning to act up, her stomach rolling with pleasure. So _what _if she wasn't red-headed or the first girl to make out with him? She still had him right here and right now, and it was _Fang _who instigated it! God, she just wanted to _slobber _him in her love for this. She pulled him closer, tangling her fingers in his messy black hair, losing herself in the locks. He was that heavenly paradise in his sole _being. _

"Wait," he murmured, trying to pull away. "Wait, wait, wait." Max opened her eyes and stared up into his again, wondering why he had stopped. "I have something else to show you. It's really, really cool."

Max's eyes narrowed, and she was close to punching him in the face. "If this is another one of Iggy's stupid pranks –"

Fang grabbed her chin roughly, immobilizing her with his eyes. "Shh… Listen to me, Max. You're going to like it."

Her anger quickly disappeared, and she clutched at his shoulders. "R-Really?" Max's thoughts raced furiously in her mind: _Did he want to go steady?_ _Did he want to have sex? Was he ready to tie the knot? Again, DID HE WANT TO FREAKING HAVE SEX ALREADY?_

"I choose you, Max," he whispered in her ear softly, effectively knocking her out by hitting her pressure point in just the right way.

(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)

Max slowly opened her eyes to darkness. Her knees were pulled tightly against her chest and her back arched, as if she was rolled into a ball and tucked into a –

_"I choose you, Maxizard!"_

_ – Pokéball._

With a flash of light, Max was shoved out of her container and landed headfirst, her mouth full of…dirt? She quickly scrambled onto her weird looking feet. Her eyes glanced around, and she realized she was standing in the middle of N's Castle at the ending of Pokémon Black/White. But where was N Harmonia?

"Maxizard? What kind of an entrance _was _that?" a familiarly annoying voice called. She Max turned her head to look up at Fang, wearing outrageous clothes. On his head was a cap with a slanted "L" shaped mark, and he wore a chain thing around his neck, reminding Max of Yugi from Duel Monsters. His white jacket was long and flow-y, finished with a dark blue trim around the egdes. His pants were black and torn, chains hanging from his belt, and his shoes were just…black. She finally noticed that there weren't wings sprouting from his back. Weird.

_ Nope, that's not N, _Max said to herself. _That's just a really messed up version of Ash Ketchup… Or maybe he's a mix of Ash and Yugi… with bits of Kaiba and Klavier Gavin… _The thought was really messed up to her, so she quickly dismissed it.

"God, what _is _that?" exclaimed a high-pitched feminine voice.

Max spun around and stared in disbelief. Suited in even more outrageous clothes stood Dylan, her one time crush, and Maya, her clone. They wore matching clothing. Both had on a black hat with white trimmings and a black long-sleeved shirt with the letter "R" painted white on it. Dylan had his hair falling over his face under his hat, and Maya's hair was pulled up in an unruly ponytail also set under her hat.

"It doesn't matter," Dylan replied, shrugging. "Time for our entrance!"

Maya grinned and winked. "If you ask us something or the other…"

"The answer we give will be the compassion of the world!" Dylan continued, flipping his bangs to one side, smiling.

Max muttered to herself, _"This isn't the Team Rocket chant I remember from the cartoons."_

Fang laughed and nonchalantly leaned against her towering figure. "It's not the English version. It's the Japanese one."

"To prevent the destruction of the world!" Maya went on, trying to catch their attention.

"Really? It's not as catchy as the English translation," she said out loud, pressing her claws to her chin. "Ow…why am I all orange?"

Fang chuckled again. "You're a Maxizard. Of course you're orange." He shrugged. "It was the closest to a first generation red winged-Pokémon as I could get." His eyes ran up and down the orange Pokémon, from the horns on her head to the fangs in her mouth.

She rolled her eyes and shoved him to the ground in annoyance. Her face was overrun with disbelief. _If he mentions the color red any longer, I'm going to make sure he ends up a pool of his own fucking red blood… _Max stopped her thoughts for a moment. _Okay, that probably wasn't said very well, but you get the point! _"Red? What's with you and red –"

_Shush__, _Voice called. _I'm trying to pay attention to their entrance! _The Voice sounded as if he/she/it was munching on something, and Max suddenly imagined a shadowy figure trying to eat popcorn.

_ Voice. Shut. Up. And. Get. Out. Of. My. Dream, _Max growled. _Or whatever the hell this is._

Fang cut into her inner monologue, trying to stand up from his place on the floor to no avail. "Well, you're lucky I didn't choose to make you a shiny Gyra –"

_"To protect the peace of the world!" _Dylan shouted as loud as he could.

_"To carry the evils of truth and love!"_ Maya yelled, her temper growing short.

"Your lovely, charming villains!" Dylan spun around with Maya, as if flaunting whatever style they had.

Max sighed, stretching her orange wings. Why the _fuck _did Fang choose to replicate her as Charizard? "Are they done yet?" She looked down and examined herself as an…orange winged monster thing.

"DYLAN!"

"MAYA!"

"No they are not," Fang muttered. He leaned on Max's shoulder again, this time with much more difficulty because of her full height.

Dylan shot Fang a glare before going on. "The pair from Team Rocket's School Branch soars through the galaxy!"

"A white hole; a white tomorrow awaits us!" Maya concluded, spinning around with Dylan to finish.

"Angel agrees! It's something like that!" shouted a new, cuter voice. A small shadow hopped from behind the pair and landed in front of them. Her hand was up, and she had her index finger pointed forward in an Ace Attorney _OBJECTION!_-pose.

Max stared in shock again, her jaw dropping open. _"Angel?" _she exclaimed, feeling her huge fangs protrude from her mouth.

"You got that right!" Angel cried, displaying her own set of Rocket-clothes. She wore the silly black hat and long-sleeved shirt, but it was just in a smaller size to fit her petite figure. "I'm a backstabber now, aren't I?"

Max sighed and turned away from them, unfurling her wings and flapping them. "I'm outta here."

"Goddammit, Maxizard, you're just like Ash's Charizard from the first season!" Fang grumbled, glaring at her with his onyx eyes, practically immobilizing her.

Max froze in place and folded her wings back in. "What do you _want _me to do, Fash Kaiba Muto Atlas Gavin Ketchum?" she muttered, examining him more thoroughly again. "Blast them away with a Fire Blast?" Max pointed at the trio, her voice sarcastic.

Fang nodded, ignoring the nickname. "Yes." He shoved her in front of him and shouted more clearly, "Alright, Maxizard! Use Fire Blast!"

"Rawr," she grumbled. Max breathed in deeply and tried to force herself to spit _something_ out. A blast of fire exploded from her mouth, engulfing Team Rocket in a huge spiral of fire.

"Wow," Fang whistled, fanning himself. "Is it hot in here or is it just you?" He winked at Max when she turned to him in disgust.

"It's hot in here," Max replied, hitting him with one of her wings. "Now what?"

"Now I Digivolve you into Angemon!" he cried with a smirk on his face.

"Isn't that Digimon?" Max corrected.

Angel waved her arms in the air. "We're still here, you know!" she grumbled, her hands on her hips.

Max rolled her weirdly slit eyes and spat a ball of fire toward the three.

"Waahhh! Gears of War meatshield for the win!" Dylan shouted, grabbing Maya's shoulders and shoving her in front of the other two.

"What?" Maya exclaimed, struggling under Dylan's grip. "You should be the meatshield, you big whale flab!" She started flailing around, but Max's fireball scorched her in the face. "Can we go blasting off now?" she muttered, her face blackened and burning by the fire spat at her.

"No way!" Fang cut in. "Now then..." He grabbed Max's Charizard form by the hips with eerie super strength and held her above his head. "Let it rip!" He threw her across N's Castle and out the window where Reshiram had previously broke through. "Oops."

Max flapped her wings as hard as she could and hovered over the Team Rocket trio. "What the fuck? That's Beyblade, dumbass!" she shouted, landing on top of Dylan, Angel and Maya. "Whoops."

The TR Trio groaned in unison. They passed out, save for Angel, who managed to get out of the way before being squished. "Hey! Watch where you sit!" Angel shouted.

Max ignored her and flew toward Fang. "Okay, so can we somehow get them to wake up again?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

Fang patted down his clothes and pulled out what looked like a Duel Monsters card. "Spell Card_ hatsudou_!" he shouted, flashing a Magic Card. "_Dead Resurrection!_"

"…Okay, now you've lost me," Max muttered, her shoulders slumping forward._ And I thought we were going to have sex, _she told herself in her head.

He put the Magic Card in Max's face. "It's _Monster Reborn _in Japanese. You know. Yu-Gi-Oh."

"Oh, okay." Max was still confused overall. "So, what exactly is supposed to happen? The Rocket Trio isn't dead, so…"

Fang paused. "Oh, right. I guess that means those Pokémon I accidentally killed earlier in the day are going to come back."

Max snorted. "_Accidentally_?"

"Yeah, like Gastoid, Iggysaur and Nudgichu," he explained, shrugging.

"What you really mean is Gazzy, Iggy and Nudge," Max corrected, spitting on him.

"No, I mean Blastoid, Ivysaur and Pikachu." Fang shrugged at her confused face, ignoring the fire building upon his hat. "What, do you want me to get Ellatata out here?"

"You _killed off _Gazzy, Iggy and Nudge?" Max suddenly realized. "And, um, no. Ella's a lot to handle."

"Eh. Oh look." He pointed in the distance and Max squinted. "There they are. Slowly walking… Slowly but surely making their way to where we are…"

Max squinted again and tried to look closer. "I think they're zombies."

"Zombies? How absurd! This is Pokémon, not Dead Rising," he countered, leaning his elbow onto her shoulder as she slumped forward.

"But you made references to other anime, so it's possible they're zombies from Dead Rising. Or Dead Island. Or Left4Dead. Or the zombie version of Red Dead Redemption. Or any other zombie game with the word _'dead'_ in it that I missed," Max pointed out, slapping him off of her shoulder.

Fang was quiet for a good thirty seconds as he fell to the ground with a soft _thump_. "Okay, Maxizard, use _Fly. _We're going to _ToonTown_," he decided, hopping onto Max's back with a grunt. He adjusted his legs against her, trying to get comfortable. Unfortunately for him, he had just realized that his poor reproductive system would have to be squished up against her back. Oh, his poor banana.

"Well, it's better than Duel Academy," Max grumbled, lifting off into the sky, her wings beating hard. "God, Fang, do you have a freaking _hard-on_ right now?"

"…No…" he replied. "That's… just the… It's not… It's two Pokéballs… and a Chimeco… Okay, yeah, you caught me." His last comment was said in a quiet voice, slightly muffled by the wind.

_Couldn't you just have said a Dugtrio? _Max sighed to herself and flew up into the beautifully colored sky.

(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)

"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Max shouted at the top of her lungs, sitting up with a start.

Fang sat up quickly, lifting from his head from her bed. His body was tensed and alert. "What? What? What's wrong?"

Max looked around furiously, trying to recognize anything that would tell her that it was ToonTown. "Where…are…" She was sitting in her bed, her fists clenched tightly. "…we?" Her body relaxed as soon as she realized she was in Dr. M's house.

"Your room," Fang answered, calming down as well. Max stared at him questioningly. "You fell asleep in the forest."

"Oh. So…that was… a dream then?" she asked hesitantly, looking down at her hands to make sure they weren't orange. "I'm not a Charizard?"

"A… Char…" Fang's voice trailed off. "Oh." He chuckled and leaned back in the chair he was sitting in. "That dream again?"

"Again?" she repeated. "What do you mean, _'again'_?"

Fang laughed and looked at her with his creepy obsidian eyes. "Inception," he replied simply, leaning over and resting his head back down onto the bed.

"What? _WHAT? _Fag, get your ass up!" Max yelled, shaking his shoulder violently.

Fang just smiled.

Oh yes, Max would have a hellish time when Fang finally told her it was far from a dream. _But,_ he thought, _it's more fun leaving her hanging like this._

(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)(X)

Iggy pressed his ear hard to their door, trying to listen in to the conversation.

_"I'm not a Charizard?" _he heard Max ask in a stupid voice.

"Psst! Ig!" Gazzy hissed, hitting the older boy on the head. "What are they saying?"

"Dude, you have to listen to this!" Iggy whispered back, chuckling. "Max thought it was all a dream!"

Nudge started giggling, but Iggy and Gazzy shushed her. "What? So I'm not allowed to laugh at the appropriate times?" she grumbled. "I mean, it's totally fine for Iggy to be eavesdropping on those two, but it's not okay for me to laugh when I want to and when it's a funny thing that you said? Because I –"

"We don't care that you laugh," Iggy muttered, practically imagining himself sweatdrop. "We care about you not ranting all the time."

Gazzy nodded. "Agreed. I mean, do you _hear _yourself when you talk?" He cleared his throat and began speaking in a very high pitched Nudge-voice. "_Umm. My name is Nudge. I like talking about chicken and eating and Iggy and eating chicken with Iggy and eating Iggy with chicken, but most of the time I just like thinking of Iggy because he's, like, so hot, but he's blind so he doesn't know what I say –"_

Angel appeared next to Gazzy and hit his shoulder. "Gaz, that was mean!"

Her brother laughed. "Really? I thought it was accurate."

Angel shook her head violently. "No, no, that's not _at all _what Nudge thinks of!" she cried quietly. She leaned down to whisper into Gazzy's ear, feeling mischievous for once. Even Angel, being Nudge's best friend, sometimes had to be the backstabber to get a bit of a kick. She could take _any _side she wanted whether it was being a Team Rocket member with Dylan and Maya or eating buckets of ice cream at night with Fang and Max. That's why being the "Angel" of the series was so cool; you got to do pretty much whatever you wanted. Like make people do your bidding or explode the world with a push of a button. _Mmhm,_ Angel agreed to her own thoughts. _Life couldn't get better than this._

His face turned tomato red, but he started to laugh hysterically. "And you _want _me to say that?" he questioned in disbelief. _Oh, sister… You're a devil in an angel's clothing, _he said poetically in his head.

Angel nodded, a huge toothy grin on her face.

Gazzy coughed and rolled his neck around, cracking out the stiff muscles. "_Umm… My name is Nudge. I like talking about pie, eating, chicken, pie-eating-chicken, chicken-eating-pie, fashion, highlights, men, but especially men named Fang." _His eyebrows wiggled and Iggy started to choke on his own laughter. "_I love Fang soooooo much, and I wish he didn't hate me so much. I just love thinking about him because he's soooooo hot, but I hate it when he looks at Max and not at me! I really, really, really wish that one day he would barge into my room and –_"

A throat cleared from inside Max's room. The door opened and Max and Fang appeared. "How amusing," Fang murmured in his low husky voice. "It's the three fools plus one." He nodded toward Angel.

Max laughed, hitting Fang in the chest. "Oh, you're so stupid. Gazzy just confessed to you with Nudge's voice and you shoot him down just like that?" She noticed Nudge pout so she pointedly added, "You denied Nudge a chance too, y'know."

"Meh." Fang shrugged and put an arm around Max's shoulder, indicating who he wanted. "We're going out to GameStop to get Final Fantasy VII for the lady. Anyone want to come?"

All four kids quickly raised their hands, the whole confession thing dissipating into thin air.

Max raised an eyebrow. "Any reason as to why you're all excited?"

"I want to reserve Street Fighter Cross Tekken!" Gazzy shouted.

"No! We're reserving Final Fantasy XIII Part 2!" Angel yelled afterwards, tackling her brother to the ground.

Nudge shrugged. "I wanted to get Cooking Mama."

Iggy smirked. "Dead or Alive on the 3DS. I love bouncing boobies," he hummed in a low voice. "Or maybe we can get Darkstalkers…" He whistled and fist-bumped Fang, who grinned in response.

_There's another 'Dead' I missed, _Max noted sarcastically. _Except it's not zombies, but girls with big boobs fighting each other… Just what I needed. Martial arts girls with racks. I wonder if Fang plays that game for the boobs or fighting… Probably the boobs… Maybe he likes mine? …Hm… _Her thoughts were cut off by the Voice.

_Well, me, I myself play the game for the boobs,_ the Voice explained. _I'm not lesbian or anything though –_

_The Voice is a _girl? _What the freak?_

_DUH. Who'd you think it was? Jeb?_ A snort was heard in the back of her mind.

Max decided to ignore the Voice for the rest of the story.

"Well, I preferably would opt for…" All eyes turned to Fang in curiosity. "…What?"

Max burst out laughing, completely losing her train of thought. "I was thinking that you were going to get some My Little Pony game, but I'm sure you're just too manly for that kind of thing." She skipped forward, hiding behind little Angel. "Or maybe you were secretly going to buy it behind a cover of Modern Warfare 3, hmm?"

Fang stared at her, jaw dropped. "You seriously think that I –"

"It's not like I haven't been in your room," Max said with a shrug.

Angel nodded along with the other three. "Yeah, I read your mind when you sleep, Fang. You dream about ponies and rainbows and Max."

He blinked and felt himself flush. "Well, what does Iggy dream about then?"

"Uh… Bunnies." Angel shrugged, not knowing what it meant in her angelic little head.

Iggy stood up with a jolt. "_WHAT?_ I haven't dreamt about that kind of thing ever since I –" He abruptly stopped talking because of the weird looks he got from the Flock.

Gazzy got up from the floor and started taunting Iggy by shouting in the older boy's voice, "_I love Playboy, I love pornography, I love girls and their jugs!_" Nudge giggled to all of this, while Angel just stared at them, not understanding what was going on. With Fang, Max and Iggy's horny thoughts, she probably would understand perfectly well…

Fang sighed and pressed his palm to his forehead. "Let's go," he called out to Max.

As they walked down the stairs, leaving the rest of the flock upstairs, Max whispered, "Do you really dream about all that kind of stuff?"

He sighed and hit Max on the head. "No," he muttered. After a moment's silence, he walked behind Max as they went out the door. His arms wrapped around her waist, and he leaned in closer, kissing her earlobe softly. "But I do dream of you at night."

Max blinked. "Wet dreams...?"

"No," he said again, exhaling his breath in an exasperated tone. "I dream of you as mine and only mine." Fang ran his hands up and down her hips, standing out in the cold weather, trying to warm her up.

"As your only Charizard?"

"_No,_" Fang groaned through gritted teeth, his patience growing short.

"…Uh… So…" Max was running out of ideas. "Oh, I know! I'm the lovable sidekick character!" She was referring to the annoying, but cute and idiotic characters that she saw in video games and anime that the Flock had played or watched in their spare time.

Fang pulled away from Max and shook his head. "No, no, no!" He threw up his hands in frustration.

Max shrugged and stared after him as his wings sprouted from his back. "Then what am I to you?" she asked, her voice indifferent.

"Everything," he finally muttered. "You're everything to me." With that, he lifted off into the air without her. "Happy Valentine's Day, Max," he whispered under his breath.

Max followed him up into the clouds. "Really? I love you too, Fang."

"Wait, I never said –"

"Ah."

"But Max –"

"_Ah._"

"Why do you keep –"

"Shh."

Fang roughly grabbed Max by the shoulder. "Aren't you getting the sickest feeling of déjà vu right now?" he growled, his onyx eyes boring into hers.

She shrugged. "No."

"I am. It's like I'm _Fallen _for you." He chuckled. "Remember? I chose you, Max."

She waited a moment, half-expecting him to continue with _Maxizard. _"…Was that supposed to be a reference I understood?" Max finally asked.

Fang hit her atop the head and sped off without her. Max, being the fastest, but most ungraceful flier of the flock, quickly caught up with him as the sun began to set. "You never understand anything," Fang said quietly, his voice laced with disappointment.

"Well, you can try explaining," Max suggested with a smile, flying harder to meet his eyes.

Fang shook his head. "Okay, sure, I'll try. _Fallen… _is a story by the author of _this_ story. It's about a lovely blonde bimbo who falls in love with a dashingly handsome and young fabulous Protector named Fang." He twirled around, his dark wings flapping with much grace.

Max's eyebrows furrowed. "Wait, who's the blonde bimbo –" Her voice trailed off. "Oh, I know! You're talking about Maya, aren't you?" She raised an eyebrow and started laughing, doubling over as her wings beat with unusual grace. "…Hang on." She paused, floating midair for a moment. "That means Maya's… in love with you?" Max realized, her jaw dropping in shock.

"…Screw the world," Fang grumbled, not bothering to answer her question. He looked up to the sky, his obsidian eyes pleading. "Okay, Almighty 'A Broken Heroine.' What the fuck did you do to Rational Max?"

"Fang, I'm still… rational," she assured him, slapping him on the back. "I mean, I'd completely tear you to bits if I found out you were having something going on with Maya." Fang kept quiet, making Max worry. "You aren't having a secret affair with Maya behind my back, are you?"

Fang shook his head, grinning on the inside. Good. She _did _care about what he felt. It would make loving her all the more fun. "I would never do that, Max." He raised his arms and smirked, holding them as wide as he could. "You love me _this _much!"

Max started laughing hysterically and jumped on top of Fang as he was flying, causing him to plummet down into the ocean. They stayed for five seconds under water, still breathing, but soon resurfaced, Max still clinging to Fang. "Yep, I totally do!" she gasped in his ear, wrapping her arms around his neck.

_It's the Valium, Fang_, the Voice told him, _blame the Valium, blame the Valium, not the author!_

"Damn you, Author," Fang muttered, resting his head against Max's shoulder in defeat, floating along the surface of the water. "_Damn _the Valium you gave her, too."

The author, AKA _the Voice_, chuckled and closed her laptop, not willing to share her secrets to the world.

…For now.

**(end)**

** READ+REVIEW=UPDATE **(on my other MR stories!)

Sorry. This was stupidity to the **MAX.**

Hehe. I'm _punny._

** Happy Valentine's Day… **as much as I hate it. :3

~[insert witty PenName here]

Someone should totally make their PenName that. If you do, make sure you review! :D

**Note to reviewers: **If you flame me for this being too OOC, too stupid and too all-around _bad, _please know that it was SUPPOSED to be that way before you review. I already stated in my first author's note that this is _**Fax on crack**__..._which means it's _very, very _stupid and meant to be a comic relief one-shot. Of course, if you do end up flaming, it's going to be blissfully ignored. Constructive criticism is appreciated, but a small little review-note is good too. Thanks to everyone in advance. :D

**Special thanks to wolfhead** for the idea and beta.


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